“We got get these bibles off the streets, these bibles are dangerous!”

    -Pastor Morgan Wilkes

Cloven Path Ministries is a responsible Faith Based Satanic Organization. (FBSO) It is our duty to keep organized religions at bay while nurturing and advancing the other side of human spirituality. It is on this premise that we are pleased to present our most recent missionary program, Bibles for Porn. Every time you send a bible or other religious text to our ministry, we will generously reward you with two pieces of anointed pornography. The Pastor himself has authentically adulterated each piece of pornographic material. In the event of gay based pornography, Brother Lloyd has graciously risen to the challenge despite his homophobic leanings. Make no mistake; this ministry loves homosexuals, the pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. In fact, we adhere to any and every style of pornography to best to suit the needs of our Parish.

The response to this missionary program has been so tremendous that Dr. Victor Marshall and Pastor Morgan have found themselves inundated with bibles. People are really turning on to this Devil in the name of pornographic content. It has become increasingly difficult to keep up with the demand, and the bibles are stacked higher every passing day. These bibles need to be disposed of in a practical and responsible manner. It would be a travesty to put these dangerous texts back out into public circulation.

Our very own Dr. Victor Marshall (PhD in Demonology) has been researching various methods to render bibles unfit for religious practice. He discovered that the quickest most efficient solution is to drill a hole through the centre of the bible like a used deck of cards in Las Vegas. We realize that not everyone has access to fancy power tools like electric drills, however we do know almost everyone has a microwave in their home. All you need to do is place the bible or bibles in the microwave and set the cooking time to 666 minutes. Once this has been accomplished those bibles will no longer be suitable for religious application. Please try this at home.

Send us your bibles and other religious texts in exchange for some of our anointed pornography. If you don’t have a bible, you can write the word “bible” on a piece of paper and send it to our ministry for FREE pornography.

CLICK HERE to get your free anointed pornography RIGHT NOW